And I'm reminded again that this is a joyous holiday season

Sometimes I need to buy stuff. I haven't figured out how to grow my own toilet paper yet, so until that time I will have to buy it.

And so to buy the giant TP we hit the local Target. Actually, that's not true. We hit the Watertown, MA Target. If you ever have the option of going to a different one (if you live in the greater Boston area) you should. I've started calling it "Bad Target." Not so much because of the Target itself, but because of the people who go there.

When we arrived on Saturday afternoon the parking lot was full. Entirely. We circled for a while before finding a space. I suggested maybe we abandon our trip, but we pushed ahead because we are stupid people and do not learn. Eventually we found a space next to a poorly parked car. We have a tiny car. Yay, tiny car!

Then we entered the store. At some point I had a list, but after a few minutes I started to get a little panicky. The place was hot and crowded. Everything was bombed out - I wanted TP, a humidifier and some cat food for the cat that pukes up the other expensive food I've given her and will show no interest in any of the stuff I buy for her at Bad Target. But I digress.

Deeps and I split up, he looked for Kashi and paper products after snagging the last large room humidifier on the shelf. I wandered back towards the pet food aisle which is next to the consumer electronics. Sweet fancy Moses. What a horror show.

While I was standing in the aisle contemplating food the cat won't eat, a loud woman with a cart and her little Nextel phone arrived. She was loudly talking on the walkie-talkie to her friend. She was incredibly loud and talking about someone's doctor's appointment. A surly man was also in the aisle with me and started loudly talking to himself about how awful it was this lady was so loud and talking about personal things on her phone/walkie. Then the lady started telling the guy he was "so funny" and told her friend about the a-hole/joker in the aisle.

I grabbed three cans of Iams and made a run for it. It's one thing when family members start bickering at Target, it's another when strangers start in on each other. I exited just as they started an escalating yelling match. Perhaps the scent of fresh cat nip drove them wild.

Just remember - it's the most wonderful time of the year. There are still plenty more shopping days until Christmas. And I'll be doing my shopping online.

Crosswalk Catastrophe

I work in Boston near lots of tourist attractions, hotels, businesses and shopping. Where you find those things you also find lots of cars.

Every day I see people - whom I sometimes call idiots - wander out into traffic in front of cars without looking. And then they are stunned when they are nearly mowed down. I'm a big advocate of the crosswalk and crossing with the green.

And this is what I did yesterday as I headed home. I approached the crosswalk, I had the green but a couple of cars where blocking the crosswalk. So I kind of weaved around them, giving the first guy a nasty look when I hear "Look out!" and then a bike messenger ran me down. (Okay, seriously body checked me - but nobody went down.)

Oh yeah, I was one of the idiots. I apologized profusely. The cyclist continued on and the idiot blocking the crosswalk had no idea what role he played in this process (which I considered somewhat significant). It's hard to maneuver around cars in crosswalks because your field of vision is reduced.

I was flustered and PO'd when it dawned on me that - wait! I had the green, I was in the crosswalk. I didn't do anything wrong and yet some biker guy ran me down. I wasn't hurt, everyone lived and I made it home to take the world's angriest house cat to the vet.

She's fine , by the way. We're all fine and dandy. But we're both in foul moods.

Please don’t use the P word

I like this Boston Globe article because it illustrates two topics I love to discuss – the … insiderness of Boston and (and even better in my opinion) the battle between the upper classes of American society: the merely rich and the super-rich with a special emphasis on old money vs. new money.

Please to enjoy!

You’re not from around here

I’ve never lived in a place where I am so often reminded that “I’m not from around here.” Bostonians, New Englanders in general, seem to take great pride in being from here and if you’re not from here you just don’t get it. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been here for years and years - you’re still “new.”

I’d say there’s a tiny bit of that mentality in Chicago, although I only heard talk like that a handful of times. It didn’t matter if you were born there, we were all Chicagoans and we loved the city. I think one of those “you’re one of us, now” experiences is when your car is towed by Lincoln Towing. You are going to get towed at some point. Trust me; it’s only a matter of time.

You’re going to go down to the impound yard early in the morning and you’ll see the saddest show of humanity waiting around to break their cars out of jail. And you’ll meet someone without a soul, staring at you through triple-pane bullet-proof glass. If ever a place needed bullet-proof glass it’s Lincoln Towing. They are loathed by the citizens.

So what is the defining event in Boston or New England? Is there one? I’ll never be local, I’m okay with that. I just get a little tired of hearing how I don’t get it.

My fair city

I've been trying to warm up to Boston - really. I've been trying.

I like the Public Garden. It's really pretty. I don't get the whole Swan Boat thing - but you know, we had weird stuff for the tourists in Chicago, so I can relate.

And there's the other weirdness. Like the man who kept throwing small pieces of bread at me yesterday. He just was throwing it at me (it usually hit me in the back of the leg). Honestly, I didn't even know how to deal with the situation. I was confused about why so many birds were hovering about and buzzing my head. Should I just do my "Sir!" thing and tell him to take a hike?

I avoided confrontation - as I was about to take action, Deeps arrived.

The Train
Lots of people ride the El in Chicago. I don't really know anyone who rides the bus. So color me shocked to discover that people on the train are more horribly behaved than those on the bus. For example, I thought everyone understood that you get onto the train, and you move along so that other people can also get on the train. Every day someone - dozens of someones - violate this basic rule of public transportation. Then they act all surprised and offended that you might want to get past them or around them on the freakin' train.

Luckily - I learned how to deal with these people in Chicago. I pull out the trusty elbow and wield my messenger bag like a weapon. It's kinda fun. I've been thwapping people all week. Except the really gassy guy. He stood way too close and was way too gassy - there's no fighting it. Just hop off at the next stop. It's what your Mom would tell you to do.