I think I’ll call him Rags

I bought a Christmas tree this year. I had a little artificial tree that was pretty cute when I decked her out for the holidays. I’m not sure what happened to it. We didn’t decorate last year and then we moved – poor tree could be anywhere. I still had the three boxes of Christmas paraphernalia that belonged with the tree. I went searching for a tree.

Trees are easy to come by in New England. I opted for a small artificial tree. I do this for two reasons: 1) I have a dumb cat viciously attacks any living foliage in the house that she can reach and 2) I get tired of dealing with sap, water, droopy pine needles and the never-ending fear that I have a tree that a bird is hiding out in.

I hit the local discount store, to find an acceptable, artificial tree. And like all of my shopping endeavors – I went in with very specific requirements. I wanted something that was attractive, without any pre-lit features (fiber optic trees are awful), I wanted green and not fake frosty snow, and I wanted something between three and four feet tall. I found something that fit the bill – or so I thought. I didn’t see the actual tree displayed, but a close approximation. Or so I thought.

We waited a few days before setting up the tree. The tree is pretty... well, it’s sad. It’s like the Charlie Brown Christmas special tree. Except that tree was real. This tree is fake. It has no excuse for looking so badly. Deeps tried to be supportive and we pulled and tugged and twisted little wire branches to cover the tree’s pathetic nakedness. I suggested that if we strung hundreds of lights and ornaments on it, the tree would look better.

It does not. To add insult to injury, the tree lights now only partially work and it’s got a split-color thing going. The top of the tree is blue and the bottom of the tree is purple. The ornaments are okay – the tree is lopsided and even the cat has shown no interest in it.

After we finished coaxing some holiday cheer (or acceptable substitute) from the tree – we stood back and appraised our handiwork. I said it looked a bit better.

Deeps summed up the appearance of the tree like this, “What’s the matter boy, are you sick? Aww... you’ll be okay. I think I’ll call you Rags.”

Happy freakin’ birthday
It was my birthday. Yaay. Now I’m the prime age for using acne cream simultaneously with wrinkle cream all while fending off emails messages, phone calls and faxes from various members of my family asking, “When are you going to have a baby?”

Well, I’m happy to make the announcement here. I’m planning on getting pregnant sometime in the fall of Never.

Shout out to Amazon
Thanks for getting all my Christmas gifts to the right people all gift-wrapped and with a bow. I ordered everything in November just to be on the safe side – we’ve a few incidents in the past and I didn’t want a nasty repeat of the year when Deeps present didn’t come until Dec. 28. That was a bad scene and I did vow never to shop with you again.

But after yelling and threats and hate-filled emails you made up for it and I thank you.

By the way, my parents want to thank you for making sure that I received my birthday gift from my wish list in a really timely manner. My presents haven’t shown up yet and my birthday was only a week ago. Aren’t I lucky?

And while I’m rounding out the bitter
Thank you Boston for being such a bunch of whiners about the weather. Today it was 25 degrees and you’d think hell has literally frozen over. It's all over the news. People are going crazy. Put on a sweater and quit your crying. This is hardly frigid – it’s barely freezing. Just a scant few years ago (okay, more than a decade) I still had to go to classes when the actual air temperature was –37. That wasn’t wind chill people.

Every girl’s dream
I’m officially an turning into an old, bitter crank that is well on her way to being an old, childless, bitter crank with more than one cat. Thankfully Deeps has implemented a one-cat policy, but I think I could force the issue if I wanted.

I should really write more

It’s something I’ve been pushing myself to do on a regular basis. The blog seemed like a good solution. But I’ve been pretty bad about it since moving. And frankly, I got sick about writing the same boring crap. Boston’s weird – it’s hot – it’s cold – kids are weird. (Although, about once per week I see someone riding a bike and smoking a cigarette, which is a phenomenon I’ve only witnessed in Boston.) But, whatever. Boring. I thought it was boring and annoying and unimaginative – and I’m terribly narcissistic and write about myself. That’s not a good sign.

I don’t have much more to report now. So I’ve decided to take a new approach. I’m going to make stuff up. Or maybe I won’t – but I’m expanding my horizons so that what you read here may or may not be true. My only criteria is that whatever I right be either interesting or funny or both.

I set such low expectations...

Speaking of narcissistic
I flew back to the old homestead for Thanksgiving. My younger sister has lines on her face. Whoo hoo! Let’s here it for moisturizing...

That’s my only advice people – if you’re over 25, you should moisturize regularly. You’ll thank me later. Trust me.

Get ready – here come the Halloweeners
For the past 5 Halloweens, Deeps and I have lived across the street from The Home (our term) – a fine, in-patient facility for people who appear to be.... let’s say a bit out of touch with reality. No one seemed dangerous or menacing. There were a lot of colorful outfits and language. Sometimes there was spitting – I was concerned for a couple of days and then I just kinda forgot about it.

The Home made our neighborhood a little different from the other posher parts of Evanston. The rents stayed lower for a lot longer, you could usually find street parking, and there weren’t tons of kids running around all the time. And no kids meant there were no trick-or-treaters on Oct. 31.

Those days are over
All that’s changed since we moved to MA. Apparently we live in what I can only think of as the Bermuda Triangle of fertility. People are inexplicably drawn here to nest and breed. And they don’t just have a small passel of children – they have lots of children simultaneously. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many twin and triplet strollers in a place with such narrow sidewalks. They’re everywhere.

So, now that we live in kid-friendly neighborhood (without The Home to discourage them) – we will have Halloweeners this year. I thought we were okay – I’d pick up a few bags of candy from CVS. I am completely out of my league.

The people down the street have their yard tricked out (how punny!) with lights, animatronic thingeys, ghosts, goblins, witches and hundreds of electronic and real jack-o-lanterns. I have a partially illuminating porch light.

I know I need candy. I chatted with some office colleagues – one on each coast actually, and was advised I should get at least 2 bags by my friend in California. When I asked my colleague from a nearby neighborhood he advised I get at least half a metric ton of nougat and chocolate to appease the hordes that will head my way.

This may be more complicated than I thought.

Luckily, I think most of the kids will come to our house early – which is a bummer because I don’t get home before dark. Plus, my husband can look kinda menacing – okay, he can look surly... okay, he can look annoyed – at a whim, so maybe that will deter the kids.

Either way, my 2 crappy bags of no-name candy from CVS won’t cut the mustard. I will need to be more cunning to appease the sugar-driven needs of a 6-year-old.

I’m spending way too much time thinking about this, so I’ve started bothering my husband.

This is an approximation of a conversation we had tonight..

Me: “So, should we get candy?”
Deeps: “Uhm. I guess. Won’t they come too early? We probably won’t be home.”
Me: “Maybe we can team up with our neighbors.”
Deeps: “The kids are going to hit us and the neighbors.”
Me: “Right.”
Deeps: “Just get some candy. You don’t have to go overboard.”
Me: “I have to buy a lot – the kids don’t like it when you give them like one fun-size Snickers. They want a whole handful of stuff.”
Deeps: “You’re over-thinking this. They’re not going to go all ‘Night of the Living Dead’ on us.”
Me: “Won’t they? Won’t they?”

I call her fat Nokia

My mobile phone died. I feel bad about it – it took her slowly, the draining of batteries and the nightly requirement that she be re-charged. I haven’t even had her for a year! I guess that’s what happens when you’re a piece of technology. You get outdated; out get old; you get replaced.

Still, I wasn’t expecting to shell out extra cash on the fly, Friday afternoon. Luckily, I kinda knew this was coming. The phone wasn’t holding a charge for very long. My talk time had significantly decreased and the phone was dying pretty regularly. Still...

There are about 800 kinds of sexy mobiles to choose from. I saw several very small, very sleek little numbers with color display, digital cameras, audio recording, video recording, text messaging, songs, dances, little masseuses and a guy who’ll dye my hair. They were so tiny, I kept thinking of the ridiculously small phone that was the running gag in Zoolander. Yes, I did just make a Zoolander reference. I’m aware that I have a problem, don’t send email.

I settled for fat Nokia (3390). She’s not the newest model, sexiest or sleekest model. But she was cheap and pretty easy to use. Up until let’s say, the last phone, I was shelling out top-dollar for high-end mobile phones. I’m something of a gadget whore. I know - it’s a problem.

Anyway, I made what I consider to be a frugal and sensible decision when purchasing from the lower-end of the tech food chain. Basically, I just use my phone for calling people. Oddly enough, that’s what like 99% of people in the US who use their phone uses it for. (That’s my internal, gut guesstimate. That figure is, in no way, based on fact.) I’m not using it to do text messaging. I don’t organize my schedule or whatever with it. I don’t care if it has games or a calculator or can hold 98,000 personalized rings. I just call the pizza guy and my friends and my family.

Right, so I’m not the high-end user that I used to pretend to be. And now, for me, it’s fat Nokia. Seriously, it’s a fat (okay fatter) Nokia. It’s not so sleek or small. It’s probably more appealing to men (although, they’ll never admit it) because it’s not so freakin’ microscopic that they’ll constantly be searching for it. Plus it’s got a bit of heft (a whopping 4 oz) that makes it seem more like a real phone (I’m looking at you Ericsson T200).

And I caved and personalized my phone – I hated the default crappy plastic blue cover that comes with fat Nokia. She used to have a sleek goldish color cover that made her look a little more sophisticated. The blue thing looks like I just spent $100 on a toy phone. Anyway, I ordered her a sassy pink cover. Come on! Pink! Isn’t that fun! Doesn’t that make me fun! God, I’m so sad....

And the fun keeps on coming

In addition to replacing my phone in the past few days, I had to buy a new PDA just a few weeks ago. My Handspring pooped out (she didn’t want to sync anymore, ever!) and thanks to their crappy customer service ($20 for a call please) – I opted to abandon them and return to the Palm fold. Now, Palm has caught on with the whole USB syncing thing (yaay!) and the expansion card thing. They’ve also dropped prices and created a sleeker machine.

I bought my Palm M125 the day before Palm debuted the new Zire. I might have considered the Zire, except that it doesn’t have quite as much memory as I prefer. Otherwise, it’s simple and stripped down interface makes it really appealing. Again, I thought about merging my Mobile phone with my PDA – it’s just that the solutions are kinda clunky.

Sadly, my electronics-buying spree isn’t over. The multi-function machine we bought in April got damaged in the move – by whom is up for discussion – but it’s not working on 2 of it’s 3 functions and so we’ll be spending some quality time (and coin) to buy a replacement. My spending knows no ends. Luckily, that newly formed joint account will come in handy....

The smellening

Yes. I do know that smellening is not a word. Anyway.

There's a stinky sandwich eater in my office. She or he must sit near me or, possibly, close to a big vent which quickly distributes the horrible whiff of the day to me.

About two weeks ago the big stink started. The woman who sat next to me cracked out a smelly meat (I'm guessing baloney or possibly pimento loaf) sandwich around 11:30 am. She quietly shoveled it into her mouth in about 10 minutes and proceeded to work for the rest of the day.

I must have some hypersensitive olfactory nerve because I can't make it for the 10 minutes required for her to consume the smelliest sandwich ever made. Frequently, I go hide in the bathroom (another stinky place) or in the hall or wander over by the fax machine or something. Sometimes I'm trapped on the phone during a conference call and just put my head down on my desk and try to think of Christmas.

Back to the stinkmaster - she (of great stinky, baloney sandwiches) doesn't sit at the desk next to me anymore. I'm not sure where she is. I haven't detected the stink for about a week.

The stink strikes back
Today that changed. The smell hit me hard and fast - I actually gasped (loudly) when it hit me. It's like old baloney, rotty egg salad and moldy onions combined with some weird bread. My nose, it suffers so.

I’m not sure what to do, but I know I’m going to have to move forward in some way or switch careers. Apparently I’m well on my way to being able to work with rotting corpses on small children with very nasty diapers.

I ride the bus

It’s a scary new development. Since I’m giving up my car and my very short commute to work (just under 1 mile) – I’m forced to take the bus to a train, transfer to another train, and then hoof the last couple of blocks. It’s not really that bad – but the “schedule” of the MBTA leaves something to be desired. Basically, there is no schedule. Stuff just kinda shows up. If you go to the MBTA Web site you can see a schedule. But, like the driving laws in MA – they’re really more myth than reality.

To prove this point – the bus shows up when it’s damn well good and ready. Tonight, for example, I waited for about 45 minutes for a bus to show up at the Harvard Square station. I’m not sure why I waited so long – but I did along with lots of other people. According to the alleged schedule three buses should have come during that span. I have no idea what happened, but this one bus #73 just kept coming around and around and around.

Like from European vacation, “Look kids – Parliament! Big Ben!”

No - I'm not dead. Thanks for asking.

Seriously. I'm not. I just moved - for a really long time. I packed my computer and Internet and stuff. I couldn't do anything. For like. A really. Long time. I only go the Internet back 2 weeks ago. Sorry. I'm bad. Sorry.

The move
It was relatively uneventful. We blew across the eastern part of the US with hard drive, suitcases, fire extinguisher, cat (with cat Valium), pillows, and a bag of hangers in tow (do not ask). We spent night one in Buffalo and night two in beautiful Burlington, MA. I think we ate a Chilis. It's kind of a blur.

The driving was pretty painless - we literally didn't hit traffic until I turned onto the Mass Pike sometime late one Sunday afternoon. I got stressed out and paranoid after 10 hours of driving - as I usually do - and I drove for 10 hours because my husband and I are morons. We were like, yeah, let's split up the drive. So we don't do it in shifts so that I drive for a couple of hours then he drives for a couple of hours. We drive in days. It was stupid. Don't be stupid like us.

We got to our place about 4 days ahead of the movers. That was hard, but we did spend lots of quality time figuring out where to put our furniture when it arrived and which bedroom we should sleep in and which would function as the office/guest room. Our stuff finally came - and despite a few casualties (our printer/fax/copier no longer works and the movers split my dresser in two) - we unpacked in 3 days.

The horror
The place is no longer a complete disaster. The kitchen is still a little sketchy, as is the office. I figure another Saturday of sorting and storing should take care of it.

I'm still living out of my suitcase since the place where I store clothes - my large, maple dresser is shrink-wrapped in the front hallway to keep it from coming apart. Yeah, it's full of my clothes. The moving company hasn't responded to us about the claim yet - so I'm hopeful we'll get some kind of cash settlement to cover the cost of replacing the broken items. But, I'm not holding my breath.

The unholy trinity
We had 4 (nearly 5) days to do stuff around town that didn't involve our stuff (since it hadn't arrived yet). We chose to spend this time, together, getting our cars registered, going to the RMV to get new licenses and opening bank accounts.

In Chicago, the people are unpleasant at the DMV, but I found the fine folks at the Watertown RMV (next to the Old Country Buffet) to be really friendly despite the fact that the databases went down just as we tried to get our licenses. We had to go back 2x before we got our licenses.

What do they call Mass drivers again?
I didn't have to take a test - which made me really happy. At the time, I thought I didn't have to take a test because I'm a good driver and my record reflects that. In the 2 weeks since I got my license, I've changed my mind about the test thing. I believe they don't administer tests because there's nothing to test - there are no laws or rules of the road here in MA. It's every frickin' person for herself.

I really should have been more suspicious when the tow-truck driver who delivered my car (seriously, we weren't going to drive 2 cars across America) told me to just always keep moving when I'm in the car.

"If you're in those rotaries, you just keep going - never stop. And remember, the people moving have the right of way."

Sure, it's good advice. And I was struck by the driver's advice mostly because we had just chatted about how we just came from Chicago. People drive in Chicago - I regularly drove in Chicago. It's got the 3rd worst traffic in the US. But this dude from Boston thought I just fell off the turnip truck.

I have encountered this behavior regularly. Apparently, Boston is the 2nd largest city in America - only in the minds of Bostonians.

Hot Chicago
We were right! Someone finally noticed this weird Chicago heatwave phenomenon besides Deeps and me.

In fact he, Deeps, passed along a link to this short article today about the hugely mysterious and largely unreported weather experience in Chicago. Every year dozens of people die and no one really knows why – seems like the deaths could surely be prevented. What the article doesn’t cover is why Chicago is the epicenter for such deadly heat.

Again, I’m a bad blogger
We went on an apartment-hunting trip in Boston last week and I’ve been swamped with the details to manage. Setting up house across the country isn’t an uncomplicated process. Regardless, we’ve got a place and we’re dealing – which frees me up to do a bit more writing. Sadly, no one really cares.

Apartments for you
I made this big checklist that was very useful for my apartment search, so I included it on the List of Lists. If you’d like to visit it directly, just go here.

Music to my ears
And by popular demand, I’ve added the Music List (it’s really short) to the List of Lists.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
I promise I'll write about something that doesn't have anything to do with babies, the heat, or moving to Boston.

Until then, Two things
I realize in a few short weeks I’ll be without a home and without a job. I’m starting to wonder how this happened. Well, I guess in fairness I’ll have a home – thanks to a little fact-finding/hunting trip for an apartment we’ve squeezed in for a short portion of next week.

Apartment hunting is always a treacherous adventure even in the best of circumstances. We won’t be looking under the best of circumstances – we’re in and out of Boston in a few days and need to hand over a sum of money that most Chicagoans would consider to be obscene. Still, the more I roll the numbers around in my head, the easier it becomes to delude myself into thinking it’s really not that much. Really.

Okay, I guess that was really just one thing. It’s just a big thing on my mind – without any links.

Music
A friend asked me about music and if I had a music list. Sadly, I’m really backwards in this area. If left to my own devices I would own like 5 CDs. Deeps is our resident music lover and expert – as much as anyone is an expert at anything in our house. Yes, my husband has a huge music collection that is as wide and varied as his reasons for marrying me.

Honestly, his CD collection has brought much music and light and joy into our house – we have an interesting soundtrack to our lives. Right now we’re listening to Clem Snide's The Ghost of Fashion which I really like. It’s kinda funky and something of a bizarre twangy (not country) sensibility that I kinda like.

Anyway, there will be a music list shortly – primarily driven by a request from the outside world and the input of Deeps. Soon, very soon – there shall be another list.

The New Baby!
No, it’s not my baby – sheesh. Easy with the pressure, people.

My sister, Kelly, gave birth on Friday afternoon to a bouncing baby girl. She’s a cutie too! Little Ainsley joins the ranks with her cousins Alexa (AKA Wild Child) and Christian (AKA Wild Child too) to round out the myriad of grandchildren/nieces/nephews (depending on where you fall in the family tree).

Everyone is fine and doing well at home – but due to the excitement and overall brouhaha surrounding her arrival, I’ve neglected the blog. While it’s not my baby, I’d say it’s at least as demanding as a plant.

The New Apartment!
For those who are worried about whether or not I’ll have to live a box – fear not – I have scheduled a visit to Boston to find a residence. The nice thing is that someone picks up the tab. The bad thing is that I’ll have to give away all of my money. Thems the breaks.

For anyone who is looking for an apartment, please feel free to use my handy apartment checklist. I use it for “screening” apartments before determining if it’s even worth the bother of looking at them. I have other checklists for actually visiting the apartment. I’m scary with my checklists.

My $4000 apartment.
So as you may know, Deeps and I are relocating. That’s fine – we’re planning and trying to be ready. But damn, Boston - why so much money? I thought it would be nice to live in the City, but I’m trying to figure out how we can afford it... I may have to pay double the rent I pay now for a place that’s smaller. Plus I’ll have to pay for heat and parking – things that were included in my previous rent total...

I know, it’s expensive in lots of places – but we live in the 3rd largest city in America. We’re no slouches – how did Boston get to be so much more expensive? We’re not pig farmers and ranch hands, we’re smart and savvy business people with a thriving community and theatres and music and museums and history and a GREAT LAKE for Pete’s sake!

Anyway, it’s expensive and I’m worried we’ll have to live in a hole with all of our stuff. That would be so sad.

HOT! HOT! Seriously, it’s hot!
We have a little heatwave going. I think we’re in Day 3 of it. I’m not sure if this happens in other cities – but sometime around day 3 or 4 of a serious heatwave, you start to hear stories on the news about people who have – essentially – baked to death in their own apartments.

It’s a sad, sad fact and it happens every single summer. We get these ozone action days, the heat index is over 100 degrees and people bake to death. I don’t know why it happens – I know the city of Chicago sends out hordes of people to prevent it and plans are in place to provide cooling centers. So, if you’re in Chicago and don’t have AC – go to a police station or fire station or public library to rest up. Drink your fluids and pray for rain. Looks like the heat will continue for a few more days.

My Sweaty Day Adventures
The AC in my office failed over the weekend so the poor schlubs who arrived to work on Monday morning (me included) got a big smack of hot in the face. We had a little sweating party that lasted until this morning when the AC got a bit more stabilized. You take a little thing like AC in your cushy office for granted.

I will say that those Lever wipes - which really are just big moist towellettes - are fantastic and helped to keep me from being overly ripe on my drive home yesterday. Small favors... small favors.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from the big heat and I could prattle on and on, but I found that Sars does it much better than I could. Her anti-heat rant is snort-worthy...

FAQ! FAQ! FAQ!
You probably don't believe it - but I have one! Sometimes people send in questions, so I drafted a FAQ. See if your questions are answered. If they're not - send them my way!

Big Fraud
I like to read. You may not have guessed that if you’re a regular reader and see how much I drone on and on about DVDs and movies and the like. So? I like pop culture and I love to read.

I’ve been on a little reading binge – it usually happens in the summer – and I just finished up a couple of books. One of the books is by David Rakoff and his book of short essays is called "Fraud". The essays are sharply written memoirs of Rakoff’s experiences as a writer and sometime-reporter. Now, I realize that this kind of young, pithy, urban memoir has become the new hot sub-genre – but that doesn’t mean these books should be disregarded.

I loved David Sedaris’ books – culminating in the brilliant “Me Talk Pretty One Day." I read that book while riding public transportation around Chicago and laughed out loud on the train daily. People who sat near me would invariably ask what was so funny. And "Holidays on Ice" is the funniest and most bitter book of short fiction (well, sorta fiction) I’ve ever read. I live for mean funny - it’s a weakness for me.

Besides the short essays, I picked up a book of a different kind of essays – a form that’s near and dear to me – the list. I read "The Book of Movie Lists" by Joseph McBride from the middle to the end and from the middle to the front. I love books like that – you can just start from any place and plow on through. It’s hilarious and odd and fascinating and if you’re a film lover, you’ll really appreciate the book. And because the essays (and lists – mostly lists) are short and highly readable you can pick it up anytime and spend a few minutes perusing before moving on to something else. Like another book....

I think it’s a nice piece to add to your film book collection. It’s on my shelf next to "Creature Features" and the Videohound guide to 2001.

Hot as hell outside? DVD heaven inside...
Since it is so bloody hot out, I decided to turn on the AC from hastily installed window units and lounge around watching DVDs I bought a few weeks ago. Deeps and I splashed out lavishly on the Mr. Show series (2 disc set), Buffy season two and Oz season one. I wasn’t really interested in Oz, but Deeps likes the soapy drama, so we picked it up. Anyway, today was Mr. Show day.

I don’t think we watched all of the episodes – but we did watch about 3 hours of fine sketch comedy. For the price, you can’t beat the DVD set. I think it cost about $25 and if you’ve got a twisted sense of humor, you’re guaranteed a good time. The 2-disc set covers the first two seasons of the HBO series. The first few episodes are a little weak, but get better pretty fast. And even the weaker episodes are better than most things you’ll see on TV – especially some of the comedy that HBO tries to force on an unsuspecting public (Arli$$, I’m looking at you!).

The extras are nice – you can see some of the truly bizarre promos that Bob Odenkirk and David Cross filmed for the show. And of course there’s commentary. The commentary is hilarious – if not always clear. Odenkirk was badly miked for part of the first disk, so he’s hard to hear. But Cross is always clear, as are other members of the Mr. Show cast who show up during the later commentary sessions.

Cross and Odenkirk also dip in and out of character during the commentaries – voicing the likes of an overblown acting coach and a frumpy southern lady. The southern lady, as voiced by Cross, was particularly alarming to Deeps. He thought David Cross’ performance was a little too perfect and was therefore, creepy.

The other great bonus is a clip from “Fuzz: The musical” which features the eponymous Ronnie Dobbs. Ronnie is the character performed by David Cross who is famous for being the most arrested man on the television show “Cops.” Cross and Odenkirk made a film about Dobbs called “Run, Ronnie, Run” – the film is in the can, edited and in distribution hell with New Line, the people who brought you Lord of the Rings.

Life and Death in Chicago
So we drove to Indiana this weekend. It was really hot. We saw my parents – which was nice – and they congratulated us in person on our elopement. We hung out, visited, ate, slept and drove back to Chicago. We hit massive traffic on LSD (that’s Lake Shore Drive for those in the know) and spent more than an hour trying to get home once we hit the drive. It was a long wait, a huge delay and we were a little puzzled...we learned later what happened.

The Cubs game was cancelled due to the death of St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile.

It surely wasn’t the only death in Chicago this weekend – but it was the one you heard about most for the rest of Saturday. That is until the Tribune announced the death of a little woman named Eppie, better known to the world as Ann Landers.

So we had two high-profile deaths of celebrities and sports heroes in our humble burg in less than 12 hours of each other. Given the heat wave we’re in, I expect more people will succumb to the heat. They will not be famous celebrities.

We're moving!
Deeps got a fabulous job in Boston, and since we’re officially Husband-and-Wife – we’re moving. I supported his job hunt efforts and support the move to Boston. Of course, now there’s the big list of everything that follows accepting a job in a city 1500 miles from where you live.

We’ve got to find a place and that is always painful and complicated (for us). Luckily, we’ve banished any thoughts of trying to buy something on the fly. But since we’re renting for at least another year, I’ve opted to avoid all charming, vintage buildings and go for some newly constructed super-structure of an apartment building.

Don't get me wrong, I love my vintage apartment – but I have grown disillusioned with old wiring and leaky plumbing. When a place is 90 years old, you’ve got to expect problems. So, when we go to Boston we’re looking for something good with closets, and AC and a dishwasher...ah...a dishwasher. Dare to dream!

Below is a list of links the nice people at the relocation office sent us for finding apartments in Boston...
bostonapartments.com
boston.com
apartments.com
bostonhomes.com
apartmentaccess.com
looksmart.com
bostonforrent.com

Job Hunt 2002 begins
The only thing that will be tougher than finding a place to live is finding a job. As Deeps explores his new opportunities, I’ll have to give up a really great job here in Chicago. But I’m confident I’ll find another great job in Boston.

And so, I’m kicking off Job Hunt 2002 – Look out Boston, here I come. But for now, here’s my resume.

About DVD Players
I write a lot about movies I watch and frequently reference DVDS. I thought I should explain my position on DVDs. I caved in – finally – and purchased a DVD Player about 8 months ago. I bought a cheap APEX machine that ran about $80 and plays just about every type of video and music format. I did a bit of research and concluded that I could probably do okay with the cheapie thing.

And I’ve been pretty happy with it. The initial outlay of money was limited and we rented a few movies to get started – I’ve been hooked ever since. I’m a sucker for the extras and the quality and the extras. I am also delighted at the huge catalog of stuff available – readily available – on DVD that I haven’t been able to find on VHS. Stuff I’ve only heard about but never found in my video store is easily found at just about any discount store that carries DVDs.

So, if you don’t have a DVD player and you’re thinking about getting one – going the cheapie route isn’t such a bad idea. The thing to remember about VCRs and TVs (and DVD players) is that they work for a while and then eventually they need to be replaced. I’m not sure if you’ll get a longer life out of a fancier and more expensive model. But I’m sure if you’re a movie fan you’ll get plenty of enjoyment out of whatever model you buy to make it worth your while.

Alternative film selections
I’ve seen a few flicks over the past few months – and thought I’d throw out a few names. First, I’d say that Donnie Darko is worth catching on DVD (or VHS if you don't have the DVD). Deeps and I saw it during its very limited run – I think it was only in Chicago for a week. We were blown away by the creepy, yet very compelling film. It’s not quite a genre film and not quite a drama – it’s something else, which I think is quite good.

Taboo – which is a Japanese film – is also worth seeking out on video. It’s a moody, atmospheric period piece about a Samurai training camp turned on it’s ear when a mysterious young man joins the order. Not your typical Samurai film, but that’s what makes it interesting.

Session 9 – which I’ve written about in the past – is a really dark, and effective thriller. It’s creepy, it gives you chills and I think it sticks with you after you finish watching it. It works like a very smart, haunted house movie on a grand scale without overreaching.

AFI – oh the AFI of it all
So the AFI published another top 100 list. I was underwhelmed by the last 30 or so choices, but I think that these lists serve a good purpose. If it inspires someone to go check out some fantastic old film that they might not have seen – like It Happened One Night or Bringing up Baby or Two for the Road – then I support it. However, I do support it under a bit of protest since Titanic was included in the survey...ick.

Speaking of lists
I also found a list from Jonathan Rosenbaum is a very fine critic from the Chicago Reader. He’s been writing about film for years and was present for Johnny Guitar when we saw it a few weeks ago. He spoke about Nick Ray, whom he met late in his life, and had tons of interesting comments and insights into the film. His stuff is always a good read.

And of course, there’s my short list of films you should see before you die – Volume 1. I just kinda came up with the list off the top of my head – sorry, I left out most good foreign films as they don’t float at the top of my head. I usually have to look those titles up. But, thanks to the popular demand of up to 3 people – I plan on adding Volume 2 very soon.

Nicholas Ray
I live fairly close to Northwestern University and from time to time Deeps mentions something going on at the university that’s worth checking out. Usually it’s days after some celeb like has made an appearance – like Jon Stewart. I’m still trying to get over that.

Anyway, he got all excited about 6 weeks ago and started making entries into the calendar hanging in the kitchen to mark the start of the Nicholas Ray Retrospective at a small theater on campus.

Now, for those who aren’t familiar with the work of Nick Ray – he’s a director who made a ton of films spanning about 3 or 4 decades and he made some really famous and fabulous films like Rebel without a Cause and In a Lonely Place, and Johnny Guitar. He also made some lesser-known, but still amazing, films like On Dangerous Ground, Wind across the Everglades and Bigger than Life.

We caught three films in the retrospective. Deeps was especially excited about Bigger than Life which is an odd film about the sorts of nasty feelings bubbling below the surface of an all-American family in the 50s. James Mason stars as a mild-mannered schoolteacher who becomes overwhelmed by delusions of grandeur – a side effect of medication he needs to fend off a fatal disease.

It’s not a wildly original conceit (at least our modern era) but the freshness that both Ray and Mason bring to the film is fantastic – I was disappointed we didn’t get to finish the film. Sadly the print was in bad shape, the sound failed at different points before the film finally broke about an hour in. After waiting for a while with no luck, we bailed.

Bigger than Life isn’t available on video or DVD and is rarely screened – but if you happen to come across it, I’d encourage you to spend some time with it. I know that I’ll keep my eye out for it in the future.

It’s not just about not sleeping
So on the last day of our honeymoonlet, there was a massive storm in the area and it rained all day. Deeps and I opted to spend our rainy day together at the movies. Yes, it was the magnificent Summer Double Feature. We saw Insomnia and Undercover Brother.

First – Insomnia...
It was a fine film – not great or mesmerizing like last summer’s Memento – but a fine film nonetheless. I’ve seen the original, a moody Norwegian drama with a different beginning and end. And more importantly the Norwegian film does not star Al Pacino or Robin Williams.

I haven’t been a fan of Pacino’s since Serpico. I think Serpico is a fine film mostly because Pacino sports a man-purse. You know, in the 70s when men tried to carry purses for all of their stuff. Serpico is also a compelling police procedural – but I really love it for the overt use of the man-purse.

As for Williams, I last really enjoyed him in Mork and Mindy. Sure, I smiled at his ham-fisted performance in Good Will Hunting. But I wasn’t really won over. Critics have praised the film for the understated performances of both Pacino and Williams. I credit Chris Nolan for that work – but I’m not sure it’s enough to save the film. Just because Williams and Pacino decide not to chew the scenery and behave on screen does not make the film a four-star feature.

Nolan, the director of Insomnia, has a lot of potential and I think his attempts to bring a pretty dark (despite the near white conditions of the original) and moody piece to mainstream American audiences is daring. But I think the Hollywood ending is a cop-out and ultimately his version is a little too black and white.

Now, for a different kind of black and white I’d suggest seeing Undercover Brother. It was a good choice to follow Insomnia because it’s a light and hilarious send-up of spy and blaxploitation films. Eddie Griffin gives an inspired performance as a man who isn’t afraid to show the love for his big hair, his big car, his big shoes and his Big Gulp. There isn’t much plot to speak of – the film is a series of vignettes designed to inspire deep belly laughs. I thought it delivered...

Everyone is great but I thought the film was the first time I’ve seen Chris Kattan be really funny and Neil Patrick Harris – formerly Doogie Howser – break out as the Caucasian Culture Expert, Lance.

Chi McBride and Dave Chappelle are especially effective as The Chief and Conspiracy Brother (respectively) complete with 3 days of stubble, a bad attitude and a boatload of beautifully recycled dialogue from every cop movie made since Beverly Hills Cop.

I might say skip Insomnia until it comes out on DVD, I’m sure Nolan’s commentary would be illuminating. But for a good summer film that will leave your sides a little sore, I’d say don’t skip over Undercover Brother.

A good, cheap laugh
Deeps and I made something of a pact to try to get a good laugh in everyday. He told me about a bit from Late Night with Conan O'Brien featuring Triumph the Insult Comic (dog) heckling some Star Wars fans. Sounds kinda funny, but when he dug up the link and showed me the clip -- I was rolling. So, if you're looking for a cheap laugh-- all you've got to do is click.

Live - from the Gallery

I've updated my photo gallery -- it's something of an ongoing photo essay of things I see around Chicago. The recent updates include a few photos from my honeymoonlet and of a few recent adventures around the museum campus.

The photos are usually taken with my digital camera, which I have to say isn't bad given it's paltry $50 price tag. Vive les bargains!

We did it!

We made it official – after all these years, lo it has been many – Deeps and I eloped on Saturday.

We chose to visit a beautiful courthouse where we had a short, but very sweet ceremony complete with our own personal photographer (or paparazzi, depending on who you ask). Afterwards we shared breakfast with friends (paparazzi included) and then went about a casual – but very hot – Saturday afternoon. Later we had a BBQ where many friends were able to join us to celebrate. It was simple, it was cheap, it was on the fly – but we had a fabulous time.

Next year we’re planning a more formal affair – I’m not exactly sure what’s involved. More to follow later.

As for now, I’ve been married for about 60 hours and so far it’s pretty okay. Actually, I’ll admit – neither of us feels different.

We decided to do the low-key honeymoon (really just a long weekend) in the greater Chicago area – is there a greater place? We stayed at the Palmer House, which is really gorgeous. We had a fantastic day today at the Art Institute and caught the last day of the Ansel Adams exhibit (it was okay), the Irving Penn nudes (good!) and the small gallery of Manuel Bravo (my favorite!).

A thousand words for “tired”

I’m not sure I’ve been this tired in a while. I’ve just come off a three-day weekend with my six-year-old niece and I’m totally wiped out and broke.

We went to Chuckee Cheese (ugh). We went to the lakefront (it was 40 degrees and windy), we walked around, we went to the Field Museum, we saw dinosaurs, we ate Chinese food on State St. with my sister – Kelly. We bought books, we rode the “el” and we ate Mexican food. We did facials, we read the books, we watched cartoons and we (okay, she) ate a giant pancake covered in whipped cream.

Okay, Deeps and I ate Mexican food, Lex at french fries. She also loudly proclaimed that the food was "nasty" even though it wasn't. And since we were regulars at the restaurant, I found myself apologizing to several people and leaving a 30% tip.

And I guess I could expand on the whole Chinese food thing, we ate Chinese and she at mac & cheese. A six-year-old child from Central Indiana should be a little more hip to food beyond the basic starches. I don’t think she ate anything that wasn’t starch now that I think about it. I don’t think she ate any vegetables.

I guess that makes me a bad weekend parent. Figures.

I also swore in the car, but not as much as I usually do. I think I failed this weekend’s experiment. However, Deeps however got an A+.

Now I rest. Later I will blog.

Water, water everywhere
This morning the TV was still on “Court TV” when I turned it on. Apparently Deeps was watching “Homicide” in the wee hours. Anyway, in the wee hours after daybreak, Court TV shows “The Hour of Power.” I have to admit that I watched for a bit mostly because I know I haven’t blogged for a week and it would be easy fodder.

I was right. Apparently the people at Oral Roberts University need $1MM to redirect a creek (that looks more like a drainage ditch) and rebuild a bridge to prevent future flooding of some building on the campus. Apparently we the people of TV land need to pray for the insurance company because they’ve deemed it necessary to cancel the University’s flood insurance policy after a flood did many dollars in damage.

Oh and we should pray for 800 people to pay $1000 so they can put their name on the bridge to mark their donation – the donation of course will help pay for the new bridge’s construction.

I think this is all weird. I’m not linking to any of these people – if you want to find out how to give I’m afraid you’ll have to do your own search.

I just enjoyed watching the guy in a suit (not Oral himself) walk around and map out the changes in the landscape, kinda like that landscape guy on HGTV. I might have been confused about whether or not it was one of those garden makeover shows – if not for the flashing 800 number where a Visa or MasterCard donation could ensure my spot in heaven. Or at least my name on a bridge.

Atwitter
Babies are tough – but I’m starting to think baby showers are tougher. We’re holding my sister’s shower in a few weeks and I’m not sure we’re going to pull it off. First, no one is officially hosting it – which is a huge problem when organizing. I’m supposed to help plan it but the chief coordinator is no where to be seen and I think I’m going to be roped into cooking. Gads!

And to top it all off, after a prolonged period of serious negotiation, I’m flying to NJ immediately after the shower to attend an engagement party that my future in-laws are hosting. I think it’ll be okay – as long as I can say nice things to myself.

Apparently I’m not the only one who worries about showers – there’s a list of dos and don’ts every shower attendee should follow. And of course the obligatory questions to someone who probably aspires to be like Martha.

Spider-man, Spider-man pt. 2
I’ve been thinking about Spider-man. I have to admit that I was a tiny bit disappointed. But, I’ll live. Anyway, as for Sam Raimi’s distinct visual style – I can describe it like something that floats along just under the surface of the water and pops up from time to time to remind you that he’s there.

The opening credits are strongly reminiscent of Raimi’s opening sequences in both Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness (both are fine films). And the scene where Peter Parker wracks his brains to develop his Spidey costume is like – I’ll call it an homage – to the scene where Ash builds a catapult in Army of Darkness. It’s just a few things – the swinging through the canyons, the unexpected splat in the wall – a la Bruce Campbell -- made me laugh.

I think Raimi wanted to have fun and I think he did. I just thought the film lost steam part way through (sometime after the confrontation between Parker and the carjacker). I didn’t see much of the same giddy joy or heart – but it was still an enjoyable flick. I’ll keep my hopes up for the sequel.

Sadness, thy name is sweeps
So the cable never came back - well it eventually came back late last night, well after Buffy had ended. Everyone I've talked to who watched said it was good, but no one taped it.

I'm coping. Instead of watching Buffy I read magazines. I am a little behind on my readings and since I have subscriptions, the magazines keep coming. I read Vanity Fair for a while (the May issue) and I'm struck by how annoying Dominick Dunne and Gore Vidal are. Are they even relevant anymore? I'm going to say...no.

Reading crappy missives from Vidal complaining about Dunne is not the way to spend an evening. Especially when there's a perfectly good episode of Buffy to watch.

Spider-man! Spider-man!
As today is Wednesday, it can only mean that it's Wednesday night at the movies! Tonight a slightly modified group (regular Deeps is out of town, so friend John stepped in) attended an early showing of Spider-man. I didn't have crazy high expectations, but I am a fan of Sam Raimi and I was excited to see what he could do. I thought the movie was okay. It started out with just the right cringe-worthy tone as you watch poor Peter Parker stumble through adolescence. And then there were the many visuals that are Raimi hallmarks. Despite what others may say, I think Raimi has a very distinct visual style (more on that tomorrow).

Anyway, I thought the film was okay. The CGI didn't look very good to me and I felt like some of the dialogue was a little corny. But I thought it was a perfectly fine summer, popcorn movie. And it was way better than Batman & Robin. And I think it was probably better than the X-men movie.

My friend Michael hated it completely and made sure I knew that for the rest of the evening. Sometimes you pick a winner, and sometimes you don't. After a string of questionable films, I think I'm going to have to see something very different next week.

The Cable! The Cable!
So, it's sweeps, which I've written about in the past. And I'm totally psyched to see a new (and allegedly really good) episode of Buffy. I've been struggly with the series all season and finally this show is going somewhere!

But, the cable is out and I'm missing it. Horrors!

Foodies vs. Chowhounds
I’m not so much a foodie as I am a semi-adventurous eater. I am also a semi-adventurous cook, but that’s a different entry. Deeps and I like to eat out of the house because our kitchen is too small and because we have a sea of culinary options to explore in Chicago.

I can’t say that I never eat fast food or fall back on no-brainer take-out, but I am fond of a few places that are total dives and border on creepy. You know – like the completely charmless Chinese place where it never occurs to them to offer chopsticks. There’s bad faux paneling on the walls and the lunch specials are like $4 – complete with rice, egg roll and soup? Or the place that makes really good nachos as long as the really good nacho guy is working – the guy with the mustache?

If any part of the above paragraph makes sense to you then I’d suggest visiting the Chowhound site. It’s chock full of interesting dining choices – suggestions, reviews, comments and there’s a good message board that accompanies it.

I make lists and sometimes I write letters
Dear ScottBrand:
I enjoy your Scott bathroom tissue products. I prefer to buy the tissue in packs of 12 but don’t usually buy the 12 pack because it doesn’t have a handle.

I think you should add a handle to your 12-pack of toilet tissue.


Dear Cornkob:
I noticed your license plate while I was driving around the Northshore today. Why on earth did you spend the additional $80 for a vanity license plate only to choose the term “Cornkob” for the entire world to see? I assume there is some special meaning to you – please share it with me.


Dear Olive Mountain:
I think you should go back to putting those toasted almond slivers on your rice pilaf. It’s much better with the nuts.


Dear Saks:
Thanks for the excellent service I received in your Old Orchard store last week. OH wait, this is email so you probably can’t sense my sarcasm.

The sales woman was thoroughly attentive -- watching me like a hawk but never offering me any assistance as she trailed me around the women’s department. Thanks to her excellent service and attention I decided to spend my hard-earned dollars with your competition – Nordstrom.

I hope that she didn’t judge me to be a “non-customer” because I wasn’t wearing my mink stole and tiara while trudging around an outdoor mall in the rain.

Ad-tastic, part 2
It's amazing with 12 hours can do -- I found 2 different articles this morning (thanks Google!) about the Saudi ads I wrote about yesterday.

I think the Electronic Media story has the best information, but Nando does a very respectable job covering the story. I'm more interested in the EM story because of the comments by Ad execs about the nature of the ads. I agree that the ads are "tastefully done" as one anonymous exec says, but I think the overall message of the ads was really off-base.

Despite the "message" in the ad that it comes from the People of Saudi Arabia, the ad just doesn't read that way. It's overbearing and overblown - perhaps some daring agency can come up with something better?

The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia Graciously Reminds you...
That we’re all friends – Really!

So yesterday I was flipping around trying to catch a weather report before work – you know will it be rainy or rainy and cold – when I caught part of commercial during the Today show. (Don’t judge me too harshly.)

A black screen with some white type appeared and there was a voiceover. It was something about Saudi Arabia and terrorists with a weird implication. Then the rest of the quote filled in to reveal that the quote actually said that the Saudis are good friends and close allies of the US and that they’ve gone to great lengths to stamp out terrorism. The quote was attributed to Colin Powell. Then the voiceover admonishes Americans to stop listening to nasty gossip about our good friends and to remember to keep an open mind because that’s what the Kingdom would do for us.

Huh?

Okay – I’ve kept a lot of my political opinions to myself. And I’m not a war blogger, but I will comment on this ad from a media perspective. As a member of the media, I think this ad is weird and it’s really missed the mark.

First, the voiceover (which sounded a lot like Jay Thomas) was really condescending and patronizing. To admonish us now for listening to crazy talk is wrongheaded. There’s been a lot of news coverage for a lot of years about our sometimes rocky relationship with Saudi Arabia -- so why now? And why a quote that’s more than 5 months old? And why use such a paternalistic tone? I think I said that already but it’s worth noting.

I think a more effective strategy would have been to show the similarities between your average American and your average Saudi – do we have similar wishes and hopes? Are we afraid of the same things? Are we both willing to take steps to combat terror? Personalizing the message as a message from the people of Saudi Arabia instead of from the monarchy might have been a better way to go.

Or maybe a better strategy would have been to get your press secretary moving and do a more subtle campaign to build goodwill. Advertising on the Today show just puts you in the same class as a diaper commercial or that lame “Can you hear me now?” Verizon campaigns.

And stop using Times Roman – it’s too formal. And White type on Black is so 1988. The Crown Prince should fire his ad agency and ask for a refund. It may be one of the worst decisions for an ad since that disturbing commercial that ran during the Superbowl a few years back.

I haven’t read anything about the Saudi ad and no one I talked to saw it – or at least admits to watching the Today show. Anyway, please feel free to email me your thoughts about the ad – after all, I’m just one woman with a semi-political opinion.

Tomorrow we return to the usual fluffery and delusions of grandeur.

A picture is worth a thosand words
And since I don't have a thousand words, I've posted and updated a gallery of some photos I've taken recently with the much maligned "crappy digital camera."

I think she works great, but that's just me. More exciting bits to come later...

Drive by blogging!
So I'm short on time and I've collected all of these cool links. Just think of this as another link-based installment.

I came across Adam Felber's blog - he's the guy from Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! on NPR.

I came across this link about a video store that edits videos to be more family friendly. I think this goes way past what Blockbuster does to some films... Anyway, I think it's weird and alarming. But you know, that's the funny thing about free speech - as old Voltaire said "Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins."

And Omar G. is up to his elbows in green stuff - you know it's gardening time for those of us who have such inclinations. I am an avid container gardener but since Deeps will be finishing up his PhD and we may relocate in the not-so-distant future I think I'm going to forego my usual giant patio of plants. But I can live vicariously through Omar....

We’re in it...
May Sweeps started on Thursday and I’m thrilled. This is my favorite time of the television season – all the stuff you’ve been waiting for since September is coming together – couples get married or break apart, babies are born, someone dies – it’s all so exciting.

It’s also the last big hurrah before the summer doldrums set in. And it’s the time when I start thinking about whether or not my commitment to any current shows will continue into next year. I think I’ll stick it out with a few, but I’m really starting to think seriously about Buffy.

I came to Buffy sometime in Season 3. I caught a few reruns of Season 2 during the summer before Season 3 – we were packing for a big move and I found the reruns were entertaining distractions while packing. And I realized the show wasn’t the tripe I thought it was. Deeps had watched Buffy while I was working nights (mostly) at the Trib. He told me to give it a chance. I did and have been hooked ever since. Well, until part way through Season 4.

I won’t bore non-Buffy fans with the details, but there was a bad plot and the show got painfully dull and I just couldn’t take it anymore. But I hung on and was rewarded with a few choice episodes in Season 5. But it didn’t have the same sparkle or brilliance. Then I got to catch all the previous seasons on FX when Buffy went into syndication. Seriously, the first 3 seasons are very good. They hang together, there’s the odd bad ep but for the most part they’re really good stuff.

Season 4 really pales in comparison as does Season 5. Sure there was the death of Buffy’s mom in Season 5, which I would count among some of the finest hours of television. But season 5 was kinda weak. That is, until I started to watch season 6. So, with the exception of a couple of episodes, I’ve been seriously disappointed. Characters are becoming unlikable and annoying.

The most interesting characters are being ignored and underwritten. And the metaphor of the show is coming unraveled. Tuesday marks the start of the last few eps for the season and I truly hope that something interesting comes of it. I’m not expecting much, despite all the news I can find on the brilliant SpoilerSlayer’s site. Death, destruction and the end of the world are old hat for the show – I’d like to see a new spin on the old tales.

But if Buffy is a bore, at least I have some new summer viewing to keep me occupied. Summers (for television viewing) aren’t as bad as they used to be. Sure I can go to the beach and chill out on the balcony and stare at my gigantic Basil plants. And read books, but I still like to veg in front of the tube if only for a couple hours when I can bask in the glory of my air conditioning.

I’m not a regular viewer of very many television shows anymore. I abandoned the X-Files about 3 seasons ago. And God only knows when the Sopranos is coming back. Sex and the City is in question since SJP is preggers. I thought it might be a rough summer.

Then I discovered Nero Wolfe, which is really the perfect show for fun summer viewing. I like the weirdness of Tim Hutton and adore the oddities of Maury Chaykin. It’s not appointment television but I like to think of it as the semi-regular brunch that Deeps and I have on the odd Sunday morning. It’s not mandatory, but it’s quite enjoyable when you get around to it.

And of course there are my old friends over at BBC America – Changing Rooms and Ground Force, reruns of Cracker and Jonathan Creek, and the new import Manchild.

I’m less thrilled with Manchild, a tawdry show about four 50something men who are trying to retain the last of their youth while pursuing every available babe under 25. I’ve watched two eps and I’ve concluded that these men should wear more clothes on a more regular basis. I’m reminded of an anecdote I once heard about a young man working at the Williamstown Theater Festival. He worked backstage with F. Murray Abraham on a production and F. would regularly walk around backstage between scenes. The first time the young apprentice encountered F. he found that F. was shirtless. Disgusted, the apprentice muttered in frustration – “What are you, like 60? Put on a shirt!”

What’s that smell?
I forgot the most important detail about our trip to the movies on Friday. The theater was one of the smaller spaces where they show the “art” movies – complete with THX sound and stadium seating. We found good spots and parked about 10 minutes before the show started.

This is prime eavesdropping opportunity, which I always appreciate. I was listening to some woman ramble on about how Michael Douglas was the star of Traffic and really carried the film when another woman sat down in front of us with her friend. The woman in front of us had giant puffy hair and a Chanel knock-off look going. She was also wearing about 2 gallons of stinky perfume.

I should say two things about myself. One, I have always had a pretty sensitive olfactory nerve which makes me more aware of aromas and odors. Two, because of this sensitivity I personally choose not to wear many things with any odor because I find it a bit overwhelming. I’m not aware of any personal malady associated with it, I just have a super sniffer and I don’t like have the old snout blasted with bad perfume. We've all been there....

Deeps was the first to comment with something along the lines of, “Oh good God!” and my eyes started to water (literally!). Michael just started laughing because he’s been my friend for a long time and he’s aware of all my little oddities. He knew that the situation wouldn’t be acceptable. We were all suffering to varying degrees.

Of course, smelly lady sits down about 2 seconds before the previews start. I opt to bide my time, trying to hold out as along as possible. Each of men are prodding me and encouraging me to switch seats, finally I caved and moved from my perfect seat to a spot 3 seats down. I hated smelly woman because not only was she smelly, but she was a talker.

Meee—yow!
So Michael, Deeps and I trudged out to the cinema as part or our semi-regular ritual as members of the Wednesday Night at the Movies club. It was, however, Friday. Anyway, we chose to see the film being hailed as Peter Bogdanovich's comeback film, “The Cat’s Meow.”

The premise is steeped in old Hollywood legend. I won’t go into details; you can get them elsewhere. However, I will comment a bit on the elements of the film. The acting was okay, and despite the sort of potential that the story may have had, the script was sorely lacking. No one really knows what happened during that weekend – so there was a lot of room to invent something truly interesting. But instead we got a lame story that basically follows Orson Welle’s version of events.

Despite the close quarters of the film – 90% is set aboard a yacht at sea – the camera moves beautifully and the sets are lavish. And despite the fact that the film was adapted from a play, there wasn’t any of the awkward movement or talkieness that sometimes happens when plays are made into films. I still liked Eddie Izzard’s performance; but then again I’m quite partial to Mr. Izzard.

And Kirsten Dunst wasn’t that bad. I mean I think I reached a point during the film where I wasn’t overly aware that I was watching Kirsten Dunst onscreen. So, I guess that is a big breakthrough in our relationship.

But despite those few things, including my affection for the work of both Izzard and Bogdanovich, I can’t recommend the film. It’s plodding and dull and you don’t really learn anything more about the characters than what you may already know. I tried to find my redeeming qualities about the film since I picked it.

I might argue that Marion Davies is painted as the only semi-sympathetic character in the film, despite the fact that no one in the film is very sympathetic. And I might argue that the filmmakers make an interesting choice when Davies is forced to make a decision that ultimately makes her very unsympathetic. But that really gives the movie too much credit, so I’ll have to pass on that.

I’d suggest watching Gosford Park which was a much more interesting film and while it did sort of peter out near the end, it’s quite engaging for nearly 2 hours.

Where's my big red hair to go with my big white dress?
Nothing is probably more complicated to conceive and pull off than a wedding. The most complicated caper in a Hollywood film really could pale in comparison.

Think about the logistics: your family, his family, your friends, his friends, your parents friends, his parents friends, children, pets, flowers, DJs, a band, a minister/priest/pastor/rabbi/judge, the caterers, the baker, the stylist, invitations, showers, parties, and the space to coordinate. I am a pretty good project manager and I couldn’t do it.

After 4 years of engagement and 3 years of begging off planning, we’re going to take the plunge. Eventually.

I’ve got wedding (or rather marriage) on the brain, so I was delighted to see the Salon story about the Wedding Porn genre that’s developing in modern pop-culture as an entertainment phenomenon. The article is rather interesting and it’s a nice distraction from the overwhelming thoughts of wedding planning (or not planning).

As an industry, as a cultural phenomenon and as a rite of passage – weddings have become more complicated, expensive and I think to some degree they’ve become more important. Gay and Lesbian couples want to be married, Republicans want to abolish the so-called “Marriage Penalty” and Bush is trying to push through government initiatives to encourage couples to marry.

Like there wasn’t enough pressure before but the government is getting involved? If someone wants to go through all the trouble to get married – I say let ‘em.

Ears a-burning
I’ve been eavesdropping.I don’t do it on purpose and I don’t seek out people to eavesdrop on. Some people are loud talkers. I think I’m starting to develop a taste for it.

I think this is probably a bad admission to make on my blog – especially since I found out that my co-workers are sometime readers of Big Red Blog. Anyway...

A few weeks ago I heard a fascinating conversation between a woman who works at my Dentist’s office and her friend. Apparently things are not all sunshine and puppies at the good Doctor’s office and people are upset.

I’m unclear about the whole source of the unhappy – as it is generally frowned upon to turn around to your subjects and say, “Hey could you clarify what you just said?” It’s the drawback of eavesdropping. Sometimes you miss information and hilarity ensues. That’s why eavesdropping led to so many fantastic episodes of Three’s Company.

A few days later I heard these two guys going on and on about their church. I’m unclear what church it is and it really sounded more like a cult to me. I think one guy broke down during his conversation with his friend to confess (cry?) that he was a jerk and that he prayed to God for the capacity to ask for forgiveness. He was asking for forgiveness from his lunchmate because he'd dissed the guy at some weird sabbatical or something.

I prayed to God that they’d talk a little quieter and I could enjoy my weird Irish novel in peace.

And it happened again today. Deeps and I went to a little dive diner where we can have breakfast for dinner. Sometimes you need French Toast at 6 PM – don’t act like you haven’t been there.

There was a woman who was loudly talking about how she was a really successful actress and how she wanted to be a foster parent so she “dropped out of the scene.” (That’s an exact quote...it’s stuck in my head.) The guy she was kept hounding her with questions.

She talked about Michelle Pfeiffer, Jack Nicholson and Ed Begley Jr. Apparently she was on good terms with Mr. Begley Jr. and she talked about having coffee with him and driving in his electric car. Her odd companion seemed impressed.

He asked her the obvious question that most people ask actors “Have you done anything I might have seen?” She gave him the savvy answer, “I’ve done a lot of episodic television – you know I was the special guest star.”

When I heard “special guest star” I turned and took a good, hard look at her – to hell with subtlety! I have no idea who the woman is or what kind of “guest star” she might have been. And I’ve got a good eye for the “Hey it’s that guy” kind of character actors.

Perhaps I should have tried to strike up a conversation with her – because I too am a thespian. I starred in Steele Magnolias as Ouiser. Okay. It was college – still, I was good. Maybe you heard of me?

So the morale of the story – if you’re looking for good opportunities to eavesdrop, you should go to dive restaurants.

If you want to be eavesdropped on, go to a posher restaurant, drink a lot of martinis and talk loudly about how f***ing fabulous everything is.

I am Bob Seger sleeping on a pile of coats
So Deeps and I went to the beautiful Rosemont Theatre in beautiful Rosemont, IL to see the Kids in the Hall. This is the second time I’ve seen them on tour. We last saw them in 2000 and despite a few slow moments the show was spectacular.

At the time I remarked how I thought the show would be much better if they had brought out more of the beloved characters from the television show: Cabbage Head, Dean, Gavin, Darryl, Chicken Lady, and the French fur trappers. I was wrong...

It’s always a little sad to see people who were once at the top of their game start to falter. The show was pretty good – I found the opening sketch to be particularly inspired. The fellas did a “Seussical” interpretation of the Bible featuring Scott Thompson as a swishy Christ who was crucified on a fold-up contraption that reminded me of an ironing board.

Nothing like a little blasphemy to set the tone for the show. Then we were off to the races and the show kicked off like Mario Andretti at the Indy 500. He always had a good start but then the inevitable “And Mario is pulling off the track...looks like engine trouble” would inevitably come. Who knew that I was good for a smart sports metaphor?

Anyway, the show was kinda slow – picked up again later, and finished on a high note. But I can’t say it was especially memorable or that I thought the ungodly sum of money we paid for our tickets was worth it...I can’t say it wasn’t worth it. But I’d rather have shelled about $15 or $20 less.

And there was Dave Foley. I’m not exactly sure what happened to him, but the years haven’t been quite so kind. He didn’t look awful but it was a bit shocking to see him some pudgy and pasty and disheveled. Now I wouldn’t normally comment on this except that I heard lots of people talking about it during and after the show – and Dave does a lot of cross dressing work with the troupe. Plus his new look of a man trying desperately to hold on to what is left of his youth is the kind of the thing that the Kids would make fun of – not embrace as their new middle-aged mantra.

Narcissist – party of me
The beauty of and the problem with blogs are similar – you never know quite what to write about so you write about something you have an interest in or know something about.

I write about my life and my observations. Call it what you will – self-indulgent, sad, a cry for attention – but I think there’s a lot of value in self-publishing. I thought that years ago when I worked for Tripod and helped to launch a revised plan for encouraging self-publishing and I still believe it.

Sure, lots of stuff is bad – and I know that my first homepage featured some writing that was neither clever nor pithy. And sure, the page included a big picture of my little dog – but it was out there and I was trying to make some kind of statement...

Anyway, there’s got to be a home for weird rantings, and bad poetry, and family photos from hell – just like there needs to be a home for thoughtful commentary, sharp writing and clever observations. I hope my site falls into the latter categories, although I regularly venture into the former.

On with my rantings!

Twice as nice
I don't usually do double entries, but I've had a lot going on lately and I've been collecting all of these fine links so I thought I'd share a few.

First, I found this blog a few weeks ago and I laughed really hard at the stuff this woman purchased at Wal-Mart. Reminds me of the days when I was in college and the only shopping option was the big W. My roommate K and I would go to W-M and spend the precious few dollars we had on anything that had good packaging.

Our favorite color was shiny.

Anyway, the Posh lady is clearly a woman after my own heart.

We are Family
I've come across a few clever readings featuring dialogues between parents and their adult children. The first is found at Last Page and features a familiar topic - parents hounding you about your career while bewitching you with tales of their gardening adventures. I laughed out loud.

And let's not forget the trauma of holidays and family. I have been a regular reader of The Redhead Papers for several months and I love almost everything Regina writes -- my favorite is Thanksgiving. Mmm...it's like a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce.

Time Wasters

I found these flash movies on Tom Tomorrow's site. Apparently they're little ads for a Panasonic product. I've watched them a few times (and don't speak Japanese), I haven't figured out what they might be advertising. I've since learned from Tom Tomorrow's site that they're ads for an ISP in Japan.

Despite the odd subjects, I think you'll enjoy Hi Ho -- I know that I do. Please visit any of the links below for some Hi Ho action.

I wish I was famous like you

My friend died and I lost all my money

Snow hijinks

I'd watch out for that squirrel if I was you

Hi HO fun, I have no idea why

Shark's are killers

I want you to want me

What's so dangerous about fishing?

Boy saves Girl

Hi Ho Techno Christmas

Who wants sweet?

I enjoy reading about television and I think that most TV critics are underrated. There are no Eberts of Kaels in the realm of TV criticism and I think that's too bad.

Anyway two of my favorite sites offer insight and criticism about Television on a very regular basis -- Television Without Pity (criticism is less broad and found in the insights of writers who "recap" episodes of various shows) . The other site is Teevee which offers a host of critics writing about various issues in television -- advertising, TiVo, Olympics coverage, etc.

This week they wrote about a show that I've really come to enjoy a lot -- but it's still a flawed show. The folks at TeeVee think that Andy Richter Controls the Universe is clever and innovative but ultimately the show has a sweet, nougaty center.

I don't like the sweet center! This show isn't mean enough? How many sitcoms do we need where the poor schlub does the right thing and learns a lesson? If you're going to be an edgy show then please feel free to be edgy -- show me the guy who keeps sleeping with the horrible anti-Semitic hottie instead of dumping her from all the guilt. (The moral dilemma about sleeping with a super hottie who is also anti-Semitic came up in a recent episode.)

Someone recently told me he read an interview with Mr. Richter (we haven't found said interview online yet) where Richter said he doesn't write the show, but that he generally likes what is written. However, Mr. Richter said the show has a little too much heart.

I concur! I’m looking forward to future shows with a little less heart (you know big, red and heart-shaped like a valentine) and more like a black void in the chest where the heart (the valentine one you might have found in Operation) should be.

Let's get married and never talk

I was listening to this story on NPR the other day about a guy who married this woman but he didn't speak for the first year of their marriage. He was about to become a monk when he met her and decided he should have sex one last time before taking vows.

I'm unclear what 'order' he was going to enter. Anyway...

Apparently they fell in love but I don't think they talked much because he was doing intermittent vows of silence and then got married but didn't speak for the first year. I missed the rest as I arrived at the mall before the story was over. But, it got me thinking.

Maybe it's not a bad idea. I'm getting married soon (don't ask) and maybe Deeps and I should explore this vow of silence. We've got the whole vow of poverty thing nailed!

Ba-da-bump! Thanks ladies and germs, I'm here all week!

Baby people
There are many babies in my life -- my sister's having a baby, my best friend and former college roommate is having a baby, my friends' wives are having babies. Everyone has baby fever.

So, for the baby people I thought you'd all appreciate this blog entry I found. This guy writes about the music that he and his wife chose for their kid -- basically it's only stuff they can tolerate.

Babies need names
One day I'll get around to updating my list of lists to include some of the baby name lists I've composed with Deeps. We have a whole complicated system for determining the right name combination for a baby. Among some of our criteria the name should reflect the personality of the family, it has to sound good and has to be yellable.

Mmm....dinner
Babies need food right? I have no idea how I came across this blog but reading it makes me really, really, really hungry. I need to go to the grocery store. Anyway, I think it's fascinating that this guy writes with such zeal about food. I might have to try some of his recipes.

Insomnia is in!

So we've sprung forward! Yaay! More light! Less dark!

And ultimately (at least for a few weeks) that means less sleep for me. But I'm not alone. The National Sleep foundation released a study saying that about 60% of Americans suffer from symptoms of sleep disorders at least one day a week.

I've been an insomniac for about 15 years. As a kid I apparently slept like a log and had no problems sleeping long and hard all through the night. I slept in the car, at school, at home, in the living room, at my desk -- everywhere. Now I sleep lightly for a few hours each night. If I can get 4 hours without interruption I'm thrilled.

Insomnia, at least for me, is something I have learned to live with. I can manage it pretty well most of the time, but every once in a while I fall off the wagon and go through a prolonged spell of sleeplessness. It's not good. The fastest way to break a human being is to deprive her of sleep.

Anyway, about this time of year I get a little turned around for a few weeks. Daylight savings does that to me.

I blame Indiana for this phenomenon. We never had to change the clocks. The state decided to abstain from participating in Daylight savings and so half the year we were in the Eastern Time zone and the other half in Central.

I never had to change my clock until I went to college.

And so with a heavy heart I spring forward this year. In a week I'll be fine. But at least for this week, as my alarm sounds each morning I'll wish I could hit snooze for a few minutes more.

Movies, movies, movies!
Over the weekend we rented a fine little film called Session 9. It's creepy and atmospheric without being overly gorey or contrived. I think you can see where it's heading, but the journey is enjoyable.

This was clearly a very low budget movie, but I really liked the creative use of camera and lighting by the director. I strongly encourage people who enjoy a suspenseful, psychological thrillers to check out this film.

We also went to the movies which is really becoming a challenge. The movie we wanted to see was sold out at 9:30 last night so we went to see it at 11:45 this morning. The jury is still out on my opinion of the movie. More on that later...

Queenie
I’m not the only one voicing a little sadness over the loss of the Queen Mum. Now I’m disappointed she’s passed on because I’ll miss those lemon chiffon duds of hers. I think others might be taking it a bit more seriously.

The last entry about my eyeballs
Many people wrote in to voice their concern over my pending blindness. Happily I can report after a weird experience in dilated eyes – the peepers are healthy and happy. No worries and my prescription probably won’t change much until I’m about 40. Good news!

Who is murdering the gross pigeons of Evanston?

Someone is killing pigeons. Sure pigeons are gross, and many people view them as rats with wings. My relationship with them has never really been that hostile. So, I wouldn’t care except that I’ve had three unfortunate run-ins with pigeon parts – a pigeon head, a pigeon wing and a partial pigeon leg with foot attached. All three parts had been ripped off – it was gross and a little horrifying.

I was thinking that the culprits were cats. But that didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me because I’ve never actually seen a cat running loose in Evanston. I’m sure it happens, but in all the years I’ve been here I haven’t seen it. Plus, all the parts were in the more “urban” downtown region of Evanston where there is nary an animal in sight.

Yesterday the mystery was solved in as much as I’d like it to be. On top of the old Marshall Field’s building lives some Peregrine falcons. The building has been converted to condos and no one can do any work on the roof because the protected birds have been roosting there for a while. Apparently the falcons are fond of your run-of-the-mill pigeon. And I guess the Peregrines are messy eaters.

So the moral of this story is that if you’re ever on the north side of Chicago and see pigeon parts, it could be a cat – how pedestrian – or it could be a Peregrine falcon.

Case closed.

Toodles to the Queen Mum
I’ve never been a Royal watcher or Anglophile, (although I do enjoy many fine BBC programs) but I have pulled my head out of my own life for a short moment to think of the Queen Mum. I guess I liked her. I know absolutely nothing about her except that she was the Queen’s mum, she was a cute old lady and she had a fondness for big, bright, flowy dresses with giant, smart hats. And of course the pumps and purse matched. She was old school and she was clearly the most fashionable Royal after Diana.

You’ve got to admire a woman who’s not afraid to wear a poofy, lemon yellow dress with a matching hat.

Ad-tastic

I found this SherpaBlog about ads and marketing. I appreciate the weirdly scientific arena of marketing. Sherpablog is where a semi-savvy consumer can go to get really freaked out. I love that stuff...

But I'm starting to hate all the weird marketing that's being directed at me. I've gotten three large, 4-color cardstock flyers for some kind of prescription medication that one would take if seriously afflicted with foot fungus.

Excuse me? My feet are fungi free. What the hell list did I get on that some marketing genius thinks I've got stank feet?

Deeps says it's a lifestyle medication. A) Huh? B) What lifestyle does someone think I'm living that I have foot funk?

Is no place sacred?
A few weeks ago we had primaries in Illinois. I got a flyer in the mail supporting a Democratic candidate for judge. The weird part -- the flyer came from my gym. Well, it allegedly came from my gym. The return address is listed as a place that isn't my gym. I don't know who the woman is that is addressing me "on behalf of your friends at the EAC" and I don't recall giving my gym permissing to sell my contact information.

I was not that ticked about it but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get. Where's my privacy policy?

And to add insult - my number must be in very heavy rotation for the giant list that telemarketers have. I've been averaging more than a dozen calls a night all week. Ugh.

Snark on 11

All right, I said others who were smarter and wiser and more educated than me would surely write smart and reflective things about a ceremony I couldn't be bothered to watch.

I was wrong.

Cintra Wilson wrote a nasty little bitch piece about the Oscars which even one who is a snark-lover such as myself found a bit disturbing. Seriously, dial it back and if you hate the damn thing then just switch over the Food Network or the Cartoon Network like I did.

She is right about one thing -- her assessment of Tom Cruise is dead on. He's the stuff of nightmares, despite whatever Rosie O'Donnell may say.

Good snark
So Salon isn't totally a bust because Heather Havrilesky wrote a great piece about the Oscars -- kinda the average Jane's view of the extravaganza. She had much better snark going and plus Heather is very clever and has a very lovely little site called the rabbit blog.

Pooper wars
Dana kitty was a cat that I kinda inherited from my roommates in college. We all agreed to get a cat, but I didn't think I'd end up with her after graduation. A few days after graduation my other roommates moved out and I realized that Dana was still in the house.

She was like, "What the hell are you still doing here?"

"What the hell are you still doing here?" I asked.

"You know...hanging," she replied in our mythical conversation.

"Dammit. I'm going to have to take you with me." So I packed her in the car with my other crap and moved across town to a horrible apartment on the corner of Crack Avenue.

And that imaginary exchange sums up most of my relationship with Dana Kitty - or Pooper, as she's known around the homestead. Anyway, I thought of this today because I bothered to re-visit My Cat Hates You.

It's weird.

The Eyes Have it
I've got a floater. Nope, not a floating kneecap, but a floater on "the jelly part of your eye that helps to keep the shape of the eye" as my optometrist said. I was just relieved to hear that I wasn't going blind. Apparently this is a totally normal thing that everyone has I'm just overly aware of it because it's in my right eye and I'm right eye dominant. Weird huh? I'm right eyed!

She also encouraged me to dump my beloved Daily Wear contact lenses and switch to disposable. She basically shamed me into it -- she said I was practically the last person in North America not using disposable lenses.

God, I'm such an early adopter of technology -- it's like she just found out I'm using a Wang or something. Anyway, I'm getting on horribly with the disposables. No wonder people want to throw them away! I swear that one of them has ruined my left eye. You know I use that eye.

I go back next week to see "how I'm doing" and to find out what the hell I've done to my eyeball.

Two things

First, I might be going a little blinder. This might be alarming for people who don't know me and assume that I have 20/20 vision. That's what you get for assuming! I'm just about bat-like without glasses or contacts.

But I've developed this annoying little spot on my eye. At first I thought I had a micro spec of dust on my contact lens, but when the itty bitty spec showed up on my right eye while I wasn't wearing my contacts. I flushed out the eye, put in some drops and nothing has worked. Now little tiny spec is driving me slowly crazy. So I'm off to the doctor today.

It's like this weird little tiny blind spot. The best way I can describe it -- you know how kinda crappy laptop monitors are all pixels and how sometimes one single pixel goes out? That's what it looks like to me. Weird. Anyway, I'm calling the doc today to find out what the damage is.

Hopefully I'm not going all blind again like I did when I had the worst case of conjunctivitis ever!

And the other thing...
I'm in love with two new TV shows. The Osbournes over on the MTV is excellent. Seriously, TWOP said it best when they wrote Ozzy is both 7 and 87 at the same time. HI-larious. It's on Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30CT. I'm also intrigued by Andy Richter Controls the Universe. I've only seen one episode, so the jury is still a bit out -- but I like what I've seen. Andy's on over on The Fox at 8:30/7:30 CT.

Good TV is hard to find, hence I'm bummed about my blown eye pixel or whatever this thing is.

And Now for the Winter
I knew it was too good to be true.

Now I'm looking at a steady falling of snow. We're almost a full week into spring and all we've gotten for it -- frigid temps and falling snow. Yaay!

If only my landlord would be a bit more generous with the heat.

The Big O
Lots and lots and lots has been and will be written about the Oscars by people who are smarter and have more cred than me. Let me just say, a couple of things. Yaay Denzel. Boo everything else, except that neat little number by the Cirque.

Maybe everything else wasn't bad. I only watched about 15 minutes. But seriously, do the Oscars need to be 5 hours long?

The Fu Flu
There's this like cold/flu thing going around my office and it's been spreading like wildfire. I call it the Fu Flu because it's so bad it's like some kind of mystical kung fu flu. Even the mighty who are like "I never get sick" are falling. I have not yet become a victim despite Deeps coming back from NY with it. And everyone around me has had it, but I've been enjoying this weird peppery tasting Tang thing called Airborne. So far I have weird breath but no Fu Flu. Beware the Fu Flu and be sure to drink your OJ.

Thaw-tastic
Once I thaw a bit later this week I'll be posting some exciting news about a celebrity encounter and my new crappy digital camera. Who knows -- there may be photos.

Spring fling

Today was one of those Spring days in Chicago that gives you a taste of the future -- a taste of the warmth and sunshine to come. Just, not right now. I think these days happen so that in February and March you don't just stick your head in your oven.

So I've enjoyed my little taste of Spring while I'm ever mindful that it will go away any second. Seriously, that' s how it is around here. One day, 61 degrees -- the next it's freezing rain and sleet and damaging gale-force winds.

Roger who?
And what does this all have to do with Roger Ebert? Nothing. I'm done worrying about him. I still hate that Roeper guy.

Ugh.

What has he ever done to me? Nothing personally but he's smarmy, stupid and vile and takes every chance he can to plug that nauseating film "Notting Hill" as a fine and smart romantic comedy. It was dreadful and it's the only film that I can recall ever heckling openly with my parents. My parents -- that's really saying something if they don't like a big-budget star vehicle for Julia Roberts.

Sheesh.

What's a girl to do?

I'm worried about celebrities.

See, I've figured out things in my own life and now I've found time to clean my apartment (sometimes), organize old photos (okay, I bought a nice box to shove them all in) and worry about the problems of famous people.

It's a special case -- I don't know if this guy knows he has a problem yet. I worry about Jon Stewart.

We all love him. Deeps and I have the unspoken agreement that The Daily Show is appointment television (M-Th) whenever possible or there's a new episode. I like Jon Stewart's snarky little glances, his oddly tall hair and his hilarious deliveries. He's the best thing to happen to Comedy Central and certainly the best host the Daily Show could ever hope to have. And finally he's come into his own and receiving the accolades and attention he deserves.

Plus, with the hubbub about Letterman bailing on CBS or ABC eyes are turning to Stewart as a possible replacement for Letterman if he jumps ship. This is why I worry. What success spoil our Jon? I think it might.

What if?
Let's play "for instance" -- if Letterman jumps ship for ABC and CBS pulls Stewart into its clutches with promises of fame, money and audience, I would be hard pressed to believe Stewart wouldn't go. But this has happened before! Remember MTV. The Jon Stewart show was hip and cool and totally hilarious. Then it got transported to "proper" Network TV and died a horrible death. All irony, edge and wit were displaced and the show suffered until finally put down a scant few weeks later.

What if the same thing happens? Comedy Central won't take you back, The Daily Show is already suffering under the un-funny weight of the likes of Matt Walsh and worse, Lauren Wederman. And there's some new chick with horrible lipstick. They're so bad I long for the days of Mo Rocca. The 2 Stephens/Stevens are making only weekly appearances if we're lucky, since they've both found more lucrative and rewarding work outside the gray halls of Comedy Central studios. What if it all goes horribly wrong!

I just want to be assured that no matter what happens, I won't lose my 4x a week dose of Jon Stewart -- whether I want him or not. I just like to know he's there. And I hope that the giant Viacom machine doesn't chew him up and spit him out. He's smoother and savvier and smarter now, right? I shouldn't worry....of course...I'll just overlook that Grammys fiasco.

Next week -- my fears about Roger Ebert.

Consumer Retorts

I've become a hyper-aware consumer. Well -- I've become a hyper-aware consumer in a really odd way.

I'm far, far too aware of what my criteria is for purchasing almost any product. And I spend far too much time figuring out what said criteria is and then I figure out what that criteria says about me as a person.

Part of this awareness I blame on my experience researching retail and consumer products. I got to log way too many hours at Sapient going through old research about women and their relationship(s) with hair care products. I think the other part is influenced by my upbringing -- I blame my frugal midwestern parents. They drilled into my head that I should really know what I'm getting when I buy something.

If you were to meet me, you'd never guess I could be so neurotic.

The other shoe...

It's coming. The big anniversary. One year since I got laid off from Sapient. And today I learn that another round of layoffs happened just this morning. If you'd asked me a year ago where we'd be a year later, I'd never have guessed that this is where we'd be.

But I'm luckier than most. At least I've got a job.