Invasion

Yesterday Kristen, Ernesto and the kids came to visit us for the day.

My house isn’t totally kid unfriendly – but we realize our limitations. We don’t have any cool toys, our cat is mean, and then we ruin children for life by turning on the mind-sucking, all-powerful, zombie-making television.

As someone who loves TV and spends a good number of hours per week watching, reading about and discussing it I’m still amazed by its power over young kids. They are quite literally stopped in their tracks. They just stand and stare at the glowing box.

Deeps, ever the scientist, was so intrigued by this notion I think he wanted to spend more time experimenting with the kids reactions. He paused the TV on the credits and they’d still just stand there watching. Awesome.

Aside from husband’s nefarious experiments – the kids were really good and totally charming, even to cranky non-parents like me. And it was nice to try to catch up with K and E.

We walked around town, played in leaves in the backyard, dealt with several head traumas (darn all those sharp corners we have at kid level!), and ate pretty tasty barbecue. And just as everyone was starting to get a little tired it was time to go home. We loaded them up with some bookshelves, a DVD and their children* and sent them on their way.

I don’t know where they’re going to shove a third kid – after all Jackie, the shared “imaginary” friend of the kids doesn’t like anyone to sit on her. She appeared sometime after dinner and I won’t lie, it was a little creepy.

We were sitting around the dining table and the kids were running around when Da stopped and walked quickly to his mother and whispered something in her ear. Then Kristen announced Jackie was here and she wanted to play a game.

Are you kidding? I’ve seen this movie – and I know it ends badly for idiots like me.

Mothers, hide yer babies!

Despite the fact I couldn’t hand out candy due to my Evil Eye (aka conjunctivitis) I did encourage children to take as many pieces of candy possible to avoid the dreaded Halloween Candy Leftover Syndrome (which I think is calculated at 2-4 pounds).

Kids would walk up, ring the bell and then go crazy at the sight of my ginormous bucket brimming with Skittles, Kit Kats and other assorted delicious tidbits. I’ve learned that Skittles are the most popular with small kids.

Although one kid was very excited about White Chocolate Reese’s Cups – despite my explicit podcast warnings otherwise – and another yelled with delight about Whoppers. Go kid! Often, they’d stand and stare into the abyss that is my Halloween candy bucket and mumble quietly too themselves like they couldn’t even process that so much candy would even exist.

Usually the dads are on the sidewalk while the kids were up at the front porch. Dads waived from the sidewalk when I’d say hi. I offered them candy, they declined. Deeps was in charge of kids – they would crowd him quickly and usually there were a few small kids in the back who couldn’t get in for a grab. I’d gently push the door wider and Deeps would squat down a little bit for the shorter kids.

The thing about kids is that some are totally delighted by the most ordinary things: exhibit A – the Poopus. She’d run towards the front door, pause and then freeze in terror as weenies would press their noses against our glass door and scream “Kitty!” It was like those kids never saw a cat before in their whole lives.

By the way, I live like 400 nose prints on my glass door.

I did encounter lots of moms this year. The problem with my plan to push out as much candy as possible was the mothers. The mothers hovered over their kids and strictly instructed them to “just take one.” Mothers – Halloween is about grabbing as much as you can. I plan for that. I give out the good stuff: no Dum Dums or off-brand sweets for us. We bring the good stuff.

Anyway, mothers with their “good parenting” and “careful attention to nutrition” thwarted me. But I figured some gnarly 7th graders or better yet - creepy high school kids in hoodies would help us out with the surplus. They never really showed up.

We only had one hoodie kid and no high school kids. We did get one small group of middle schoolers who politely asked if they could “have more than one” before digging through my bucket. Greedy, but polite – I like it!

Next year I vow there will be less candy, no pink eye and I’ll start plotting now to distract the mothers so that I can dump more candy in their kids’ bags.

‘Weenie Watch

So far we’ve had a princess, a ninja, Jason Vorhees, a werewolf and a vampire.

Those kids had better start to show up soon or Deeps is going to figure out my master plan to overbuy candy so I can eat it all myself.

And in other news, I have pink eye. Which means Deeps has to hand out the candy.

Update:
Witch, Wednesday Adams, another ninja, another princess, a bear, a sheep, a butterfly, a cat, and a cowboy.

A werewolf, a zombie, more witches, princesses, some power rangers, cowgirl, and a loud girl who kept saying "I can't get in! I can't get in!" as her brothers crowded her out.

The mighty Poopus is completely unhinged and hiding in the shoe closet.

More princesses, wizards!, more and more princesses, flapper girl, goth girl, storm trooper, Obi-Wan, dinosaur, lions, tigers and more bears. Plus a kid who is easily excited by Whoppers.

The herds thinned out by 8:30 - and now we are left with our worst fears: dying alone and a giant bucket of candy.

Let's get married and never talk

I was listening to this story on NPR the other day about a guy who married this woman but he didn't speak for the first year of their marriage. He was about to become a monk when he met her and decided he should have sex one last time before taking vows.

I'm unclear what 'order' he was going to enter. Anyway...

Apparently they fell in love but I don't think they talked much because he was doing intermittent vows of silence and then got married but didn't speak for the first year. I missed the rest as I arrived at the mall before the story was over. But, it got me thinking.

Maybe it's not a bad idea. I'm getting married soon (don't ask) and maybe Deeps and I should explore this vow of silence. We've got the whole vow of poverty thing nailed!

Ba-da-bump! Thanks ladies and germs, I'm here all week!

Baby people
There are many babies in my life -- my sister's having a baby, my best friend and former college roommate is having a baby, my friends' wives are having babies. Everyone has baby fever.

So, for the baby people I thought you'd all appreciate this blog entry I found. This guy writes about the music that he and his wife chose for their kid -- basically it's only stuff they can tolerate.

Babies need names
One day I'll get around to updating my list of lists to include some of the baby name lists I've composed with Deeps. We have a whole complicated system for determining the right name combination for a baby. Among some of our criteria the name should reflect the personality of the family, it has to sound good and has to be yellable.

Mmm....dinner
Babies need food right? I have no idea how I came across this blog but reading it makes me really, really, really hungry. I need to go to the grocery store. Anyway, I think it's fascinating that this guy writes with such zeal about food. I might have to try some of his recipes.