Mothers, hide yer babies!

Despite the fact I couldn’t hand out candy due to my Evil Eye (aka conjunctivitis) I did encourage children to take as many pieces of candy possible to avoid the dreaded Halloween Candy Leftover Syndrome (which I think is calculated at 2-4 pounds).

Kids would walk up, ring the bell and then go crazy at the sight of my ginormous bucket brimming with Skittles, Kit Kats and other assorted delicious tidbits. I’ve learned that Skittles are the most popular with small kids.

Although one kid was very excited about White Chocolate Reese’s Cups – despite my explicit podcast warnings otherwise – and another yelled with delight about Whoppers. Go kid! Often, they’d stand and stare into the abyss that is my Halloween candy bucket and mumble quietly too themselves like they couldn’t even process that so much candy would even exist.

Usually the dads are on the sidewalk while the kids were up at the front porch. Dads waived from the sidewalk when I’d say hi. I offered them candy, they declined. Deeps was in charge of kids – they would crowd him quickly and usually there were a few small kids in the back who couldn’t get in for a grab. I’d gently push the door wider and Deeps would squat down a little bit for the shorter kids.

The thing about kids is that some are totally delighted by the most ordinary things: exhibit A – the Poopus. She’d run towards the front door, pause and then freeze in terror as weenies would press their noses against our glass door and scream “Kitty!” It was like those kids never saw a cat before in their whole lives.

By the way, I live like 400 nose prints on my glass door.

I did encounter lots of moms this year. The problem with my plan to push out as much candy as possible was the mothers. The mothers hovered over their kids and strictly instructed them to “just take one.” Mothers – Halloween is about grabbing as much as you can. I plan for that. I give out the good stuff: no Dum Dums or off-brand sweets for us. We bring the good stuff.

Anyway, mothers with their “good parenting” and “careful attention to nutrition” thwarted me. But I figured some gnarly 7th graders or better yet - creepy high school kids in hoodies would help us out with the surplus. They never really showed up.

We only had one hoodie kid and no high school kids. We did get one small group of middle schoolers who politely asked if they could “have more than one” before digging through my bucket. Greedy, but polite – I like it!

Next year I vow there will be less candy, no pink eye and I’ll start plotting now to distract the mothers so that I can dump more candy in their kids’ bags.

‘Weenie Watch

So far we’ve had a princess, a ninja, Jason Vorhees, a werewolf and a vampire.

Those kids had better start to show up soon or Deeps is going to figure out my master plan to overbuy candy so I can eat it all myself.

And in other news, I have pink eye. Which means Deeps has to hand out the candy.

Update:
Witch, Wednesday Adams, another ninja, another princess, a bear, a sheep, a butterfly, a cat, and a cowboy.

A werewolf, a zombie, more witches, princesses, some power rangers, cowgirl, and a loud girl who kept saying "I can't get in! I can't get in!" as her brothers crowded her out.

The mighty Poopus is completely unhinged and hiding in the shoe closet.

More princesses, wizards!, more and more princesses, flapper girl, goth girl, storm trooper, Obi-Wan, dinosaur, lions, tigers and more bears. Plus a kid who is easily excited by Whoppers.

The herds thinned out by 8:30 - and now we are left with our worst fears: dying alone and a giant bucket of candy.

Happy Halloween - Unless you've made a stupid costume

Happy Halloween
Originally uploaded by nopity.

We’ve secured many pounds of candy and I’m not going stingy this year, I’m handing it out by the fistful. Woot!

One year, I think I was in the third grade, I came up with this awesome costume idea: Rubik’s cube! Of course, I had a few issues. One, I was only 9 so I wasn’t super hot on details. For example, I spent time finding a large box and cutting arm and head holes but I didn’t think about the size of the box relative to my arms. I could basically stick my hands and part of my forearms through the holes, but that was it. I couldn’t really bend and maneuver my arms – so I could only carry my candy bag with one hand.

And I didn’t limit myself to just 9 squares on a side. I think I just drew a zillion squares on each side and colored stuff with the full 64 Crayola pack.

I went trick or treating with some of my friends in the neighborhood and we had a good time, until I got to the weird split-level house. The house was perched on a slight hill and we walked up one short flight to a landing, then made a full 90 degree turn to walk up to the door. As I came down the hill I took a tumble and rolled down the hill. I was unhurt, but I think I lost out on some of my candy as my fellow ‘weenies were “helping” me up.

So let that be a lesson to you kids, if you wear a giant box over your body, make sure you can fit your arms through to your upper arms. While I struggled with my costume I was still better off than the poor jerk who dressed up as a shower (a la the Karate Kid).

God, the 80s were so great.